Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
grandma shit on top of the toilet
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I think a kid would responsible me up
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
