Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
