at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
