her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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