Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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