matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
