1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
