I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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