Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
