im about as happy as oj after his trial
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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