physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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