i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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