I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
