i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
