I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
