Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
