But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
