I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
