we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
