She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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