I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
