the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
