the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
