i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
