Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
