She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
