I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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