When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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