This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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