You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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