Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
