Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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