oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
