what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
