I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize