Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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