one might say we're banned from that church
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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