Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
