my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
