mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
