he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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