Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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