I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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