She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
