I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
