If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
