i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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