i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
