I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
