Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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