The maid of honor just puked.
I bet he comes in French.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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