the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
