then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
