I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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