She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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