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That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
