Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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