Heybabeimwearingurpanties
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
