so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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