I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize
