Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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