May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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