He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize