it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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