dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
