you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
