is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
