Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
