so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
