Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
