so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
