70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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