Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
