Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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