You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
