U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Fuck appropriateness.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
