don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
