hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
