dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
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