I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
