JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
