Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
send nudes
from the living room?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
