Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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