Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize