Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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