Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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