Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
